Fit To Print

Peter Griffin

July 3rd, 2006

You know what really grinds my gears? Punny newspaper headlines, especially in sports. I know there must have been a dozen studies saying that catchy titles guarantee more readers but unless you have some really clever shit, just don’t bother. Bad puns are not hard. Watch.
Dwyane Wade "Heats" up for game 5.
Mavs suffer four-game "Heat" stroke, fall to Miami.
"Maverick" GM Cuban Served 1-Game Suspension.
So even if you’re chuckling all the way to the copy room, just don’t. Save your paper some embarrassment.

I mean, look at the poor fans with "Nowitness" shirts. They bought themselves a forty dollar handkerchief to cry in while they were "Nowitness" to their star forward choking at the free-throw line. His god damn name is Nowitzki, you pronounce the w as a v and you are borrowing the slogan of a better player. And you lost the finals. What part of this equation makes you cool and witty.

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