Fit To Print

Oh YouTube

These are kind of funny, the second one is a little sad. Take a look.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1vwKZiDsY4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MT0XxtNPVdQ

Hooray for The Clash and John Lennon.

2 comments October 29th, 2006

Devin vs. Goliath

The other day I came across Father Time. With eyes slit, mouth barely parted in sardonic stupor, he said to me, “Both parties are woefully on the fast track to oblivion.” This once sharp, snarky man had become an embittered broken record. His comments and demeanor were eerily reminiscent of another bitter old man, who had a thing or two to complain about at the turn of this century. That man? Ralph “Buckle Up” Nader.

Neither party is anywhere near what I would like them to be, ideologically. But I would never want a government to think just as I do (I wouldn’t wish that on anyone). And good Dems stand for a lot of the things that are important to society.

Phil Angelides knows that to make California schools great again we’re going to have to tax folks. Sherrod Brown thinks it’s ludicrous for the U.S. to be the only developed country without universal healthcare. Ted Kennedy refuses to vote for an immigration bill that treats illegal immigrants like they aren’t real people. Ned Lamont doesn’t believe spending 300 billion dollars to kill 500 thousand Iraqis was a good idea. Russ Feingold says don’t take away the rights of citizens and call it the Patriot Act.

Then, there are the Republicans. When they get fired up, it’s because all 7-11 owners secretly report to Al-Qaeda, because Tom and Mark think they just might be in love, or because Janet Jackson showed half of America her tit. Well, I’m still waiting for the outrage to hit me on those.

Keep in mind, Nader’s tomayto tomahto mantra was specifically referring to Al Gore and George Bush. Al Gore has done more to spread awareness about global warming than any other human being on the planet, and George Bush bombed Iraq over “nuclear” weapons he can’t pronounce, that don’t exist. Um, I think I’d prefer the fucking tomayto, please.

Humans will never be perfect, and by extension, neither will politicians. But saying “all politicians are imperfect, thus all politicians are the same” is a cop-out syllogistic fallacy. There is a distinct separation between the two ideologies of these parties. It’s the difference of a party that says let’s defend our country, and one that says let’s defend our country without destroying the things that make it worth defending.

Yet another publisher’s note: If you really do pronounce it tomahto, who do you think you are?

4 comments October 29th, 2006

Kate and Sawyer, We Hardly Knew Ye

You know a show is probably past its prime when dialog like this starts popping up:

“He was dragged this way.”
“Dragged? By what?”
“By the polar bear.”
“Sawyer killed the polar bear.”
“He killed a pollar bear.”

R.I.P. Lost.

1 comment October 25th, 2006

Chain of Command

So I’m trying to get a bartending or waiting job at this illustrious Italian chain, Bertucci’s. Had interview number two today. The general manager gave me a slightly incredulous look when I said I didn’t know what my long-term goals were, besides graduating from college (which I mistakenly gave as a short-term goal, thus depriving me of any defense against the second salvo of questions).

I see what you’re getting at, Mr. Berkowitz. I know exactly how it will come up. Customer orders a beer at the bar. In my head I’m thinking, “Ok, this is an easy one. You know this. You know this. Pour beer, hand to customer.” But I just can’t do it. I don’t have the drive, focus or long-term vision. And then, what about things like wiping down counters and taking actual food orders? Those sure aren’t projects you dive into willy-nilly, whistling a sea chantey, with no thought of tomorrow.

Besides a couple little stumbles, I thought I did a passable job of giving mediocre answers to bad questions, but we shall see.

Publisher’s note: “willy-nilly” and the initial variants of the phrase used to refer to something that must be accomplished whether one wanted to or not. Valuable history lesson or annoying asterisk?

1 comment October 25th, 2006

Democracy Now

Here at Fit To Print we are all about the democratic process. We value your input. Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line. Anyway, we’re planning to do up another three-piece post extravaganza. We want you to tell us what to write about. Please vote for one of the topics listed below. If you have a touchtone phone, you can call us toll-free, or you can send us an email or post a comment in this thread. First topic to garner a thousand votes will be the winner. Also, feel free to say which ones you would least like to see, as I may do more than one.

Television: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly (nicely broken up into three parts)

Think Tank Wars

Great Movies… and Good Movies You’ve Never Seen

Getting To Know (choose 3):
George Soros
Deval Patrick
Dave Chappelle
Hugo Chavez
Russ Feingold
Andrew Carnegie
Eric Alterman
Rush Limbaugh
Bob Woodward
George Stephanopoulos
David Brooks
Tony Snow
Morgan Spurlock
Paul Krugman
Stan Kubrick
Tim McCarver
Barney Frank

Beginner’s Guide To (choose 3):
Blogs that will get you laid (no, really)
Shiites and Sunnis
Muslims and Arabs
Saving the World
Establishment Politics
Grassroots Politics
School for Scandal
Statistics
Newspapers of the Country
Recent Books you should pretend to have read
Killing Time Online
The Ins and Outs of Netflix
What’s New in Science
Why’d they get the Nobel Again?

3 comments October 22nd, 2006

All The President’s Men

Over the past few days I have been tinkering around with a few ideas for posts: the history of the blog, your blog and you, whatever happened to the press and the 1st Amendment, etc.

Well I was having trouble with the media one, because as it turns out, I’m not a great writer and I have trouble explaining things. But I didn’t let that stop me, gentle reader. No sir, I did not. Fittingly enough, I took the route of the lazy journalist and stole from someone else. This is from a diary on Daily Kos:

“The job of the press is not to be neutral, it is to be objective. There is an enormous difference.

Here’s neutral: The Jedi rebels say the Death Star is a peril to the universe, but Darth Vader assures the universe that the empire is trying to protect us from the insurgent terrorists that seek to do us harm.

Here’s objective: It’s called the Death Star. Its objective is complete control. Darth Vader’s tactics are brutal and dictatorial.”

Psst, I think Darth Vader is supposed to be the Bush Administration. After such a promising start, the rest of the diary goes on to completely suck, but I thought this initial offering was the perfect analogy for what is wrong with today’s media. They simply supply some facts, and then provide a talking point from each side about the issue. Gee, thanks.

A good blog, much like a good editorial or the Daily Show, makes no cowardly and disingenuous claims of being completely neutral. It will give you the facts, put them in context, and provide you with an informed opinion on what they mean.

Of course, mainstream media is not all bad or all the same, so here are some quick congratulatory notes.

Congratulations to Anderson Cooper for going to Darfur and the Congo, but please stop acting like any second your mic could be cut and your throat slit. You are 39 and your hair is completely gray. Relax. Take a deep breath and realize that life goes on within you and without you.

To Maureen Dowd, Frank Rich and everyone else comfortably residing at the NYT Op Ed Page, congratulations on joining the anti-war bandwagon, once it became safe and uncontroversial to do so. All the tepid dissent that’s fit to print. Glad you guys are there to play the Alan Colmes to George Bush’s Sean Hannity.

Congratulations to arrogant blowhard Tom Brokaw, along with imbecilic cohorts Dan Rather and Ted Koppel, for finally giving my god damn tv back. Straight faces and dramatic pauses are not the only keys to gravitas and credibility. They are the keys to a monotonous broadcast, however. When I’m trying to sleep at night, I play a tape of Ted Koppel asking Tom Brokaw what it was like to interview Dan Rather.

All kidding aside, a sad farewell to Peter Jennings. Why do the good always die young. As many can vividly recall Walter Cronkite’s touching coverage of JFK’s assassination, so too will I remember Mr. Jennings on 9/11.

1 comment October 22nd, 2006

It’s a Cruel World, Little Timmy

Days after Cory Lidle’s accident, tragedy struck the baseball world yet again this week, as one-time utility man Steve Lyons was fired from his announcing position on Fox. Hilariously enough, Lyons was sacked for making racially insensitive remarks to colleague Lou Piniella, when Lyons has spent the better part of the ALCS kissing the ground Lou walks on, among other things. I was watching, and the incident was awkward, but not a fire-worthy offense. I have compiled a list of other reasons Lyons might have been fired for, and here they are:

• Constantly asking, "that’s not how we played the game, is it, Lou?" No, it’s not, because these players play every day. You played the game by keeping the cooler full for the big boys and pinch-hitting in the late innings if someone died.

• Bearing entirely too much resemblance (in both appearance and vocal intonation) to Dave Coulier. It’s uncanny, it’s unnatural, it’s uncivilized.

• Going on a ten minute gush-fest over what a great move that was by (insert Tiger player here) getting the runner over to third. "You know fellas, those guys giving you solid runner advancement like that are the real unsung heroes of the game, slowly but surely bringing democracy back to this great country of ours."

• He sucks!

I apologize to all you sports haters out there, but I’ve been cursing this guy’s name for the past week. So when I looked at Yahoo News today and saw the most beautiful headline ever to light up a computer screen, I knew I couldn’t keep this love to myself.

2 comments October 14th, 2006

Too Popular by Half

We apologize if you were trying to reach this site between the hours of 6 and 8 this morning, our servers were being upgraded to handle the increased traffic FTP has been flooded with thanks to the upcoming midterm elections. In the future, such upgrades will not be made without advanced notice. In celebration of Fit To Print’s recent success, we are offering our own Jelly Bean Jar Challenge. Just post a comment on this thread with how many unique visitors we’ve gotten this month, rounding off to the nearest thousand. Tie goes to the runner. The winner will be announced at our annual FTP Convention in Omaha.

5 comments October 9th, 2006

Little-Known Facts

I dunno, maybe you can share these with people and they will be struck with awe at your encyclopedic knowledge, as you call upon a seemingly endless supply of facts.

• Communism was invented by Native Americans from Delaware.

• Global warming and a depleted ozone layer are burning off nitrogen particles in the air and slowly changing it’s chemical makeup. The air at the poles (the two places on earth closest to the ozone) will be unbreathable by 2050.

• Televised broadcasts reach your home slightly faster than radio broadcasts, because the speed of light is faster than the speed of sound.

• Poison oak was around for many years before its poisonous properties were known, during which time it was simply referred to as "oak". Incidentally, its true name is poisonous oak.

• Pee shivers are the physical manifestation of the mind’s disgust at bodily functions.

• The seven dwarfs first met when they were picked by Disney to live in a house, and have their lives taped, to see what happens when people stop being polite, and start being real.

3 comments October 8th, 2006

Oh Come On All Ye Faithful

Well, I just went on ABC’s blog. Looked at some reader comments on the Foley scandal. Further proof that there is a right-wing media machine able to throw into question the integrity of any story potentially harmful to Republicans.

This is the product of forty years of think-tank operations, funded by wealthy "concerned citizens", discovering the best way to push America to the right. And I do mean push. Democrats seem to lack the vision and conviction to deal with any of this.

Anyway, go take a look at one of these blogs. Some of the comments are so idiotic I’m amazed their author had the wherewithal to find the site and post something in the first place.

Almost as ridiculous as those unquestionably loyal to Republicans and despising of all things not synonymous with apple pie, are the undecideds. Those voters who don’t know until the day before the election who they’re going to vote for because they’re "weighing all the issues".

I’m undecided on whether Family Circus or For Better or For Worse is the worst comic strip I’ve ever read. I’m "undecided" on whether I want pepperoni or fucking olives on my pizza. I’m not undecided on whether George Bush is pissing away the ideals of my country, or taking just the tough stance we need to fight those rag-heads. Do us all a favor and decide to learn something about the nation you live in and those who would like to represent it. Decide to pull your head out of your ass.

We have an electorate that is half apathetic and half misguided - fueled by hate speech and disinformation campaigns from moneyed interests. But you know, that’s it, really. Most countries would kill to be a couple Reading Rainbow episodes away from having a truly great democracy.

What is my point? I have no point. My point is guess how many fingers I’m deciding to hold up?

2 comments October 6th, 2006