It’s a Cruel World, Little Timmy
Days after Cory Lidle’s accident, tragedy struck the baseball world yet again this week, as one-time utility man Steve Lyons was fired from his announcing position on Fox. Hilariously enough, Lyons was sacked for making racially insensitive remarks to colleague Lou Piniella, when Lyons has spent the better part of the ALCS kissing the ground Lou walks on, among other things. I was watching, and the incident was awkward, but not a fire-worthy offense. I have compiled a list of other reasons Lyons might have been fired for, and here they are:
- Constantly asking, "that’s not how we played the game, is it, Lou?" No, it’s not, because these players play every day. You played the game by keeping the cooler full for the big boys and pinch-hitting in the late innings if someone died.
- Bearing entirely too much resemblance (in both appearance and vocal intonation) to Dave Coulier. It’s uncanny, it’s unnatural, it’s uncivilized.
- Going on a ten minute gush-fest over what a great move that was by (insert Tiger player here) getting the runner over to third. "You know fellas, those guys giving you solid runner advancement like that are the real unsung heroes of the game, slowly but surely bringing democracy back to this great country of ours."
- He sucks!
I apologize to all you sports haters out there, but I’ve been cursing this guy’s name for the past week. So when I looked at Yahoo News today and saw the most beautiful headline ever to light up a computer screen, I knew I couldn’t keep this love to myself.
2 comments October 14th, 2006