Fit To Print

Perchance To Dream

November 4th, 2006

This is a cautionary tale for all of you tempted by the glamorous life of the insomniac. Seduced by the extra-loud tick clocks only make in the wee hours of the morning. Fascinated by the endless choices of knife-kit infomercials and meet-your-mate hotlines that thrive when all other programming has gone home for the night.

First, let me just say that some of the rumors you’ve heard are right on the money. I’ve seen serrated masterworks of steel that cut deep and true, filleting tomatoes and their ilk into defenseless, paper-thin slices. I’ve seen their equally amazing sister blades offered up free of charge, as long as I called within the next 20 minutes. And there’s nothing like the sound of that first morning bird. What’s the rush? It ain’t christmas, little fella. Let’s just can it for a couple hours.

Celebrity and glitz aside, there is a seedy underbelly to to these late-night goings on. Boredom. We all have our personal vices (some call them hobbies) that help us get through the dark times. One of my old staples is yahoo chess. Play a few matches while you chat with some dumb folks, oh it’s just a hoot and a holler. Anyway, I thought I’d give you a glimpse into this secret lifestyle, for a couple reasons. One, so you won’t end up like your old man. And also, so you’ll see why I blog. And that is the last time I will ever use blog as a verb. Shoot me now. So this is the even more meaningless crap I’d be doing if I wasn’t on Fit To Print:

Some offerings from one of the worst players I have ever encountered.

Care to chat?
Nice trap.
You play a cerebral game. (Which he refused to elaborate on.)

Here are my comments to someone who stopped playing after my first move. I framed them on my wall under the heading: Patience in the face of adversity.

you there?
come on buddy
fuckin a
sdfsafd
you’re not even idle
don’t be an ass
one of these days, alice
it was a bold move on my part
i could see how you would have trouble countering
who would have expected the ol king pawn advance
much like the spanish inquisition
i’m wasting my “a” material here
shit
be sure to tip your waitress

There is also a main lobby where all players can chat. This is mainly used for recruiting people to a table, and by automated bots pretending to be girls, that try and get people to pay to see their web cams. It is an atmosphere ripe for comedy, when unknowing folks try and engage the bots in conversation, or chess shit-talking fights break out.

I have a number of other examples but I think my point has been made. The moral of the story is: when your parents tell you to go to bed, do as they say.

Entry Filed under: Food and Drink