Fit To Print

The Kentucky Derby

January 3rd, 2007

I’m not sure there is enough to do in this little cow town they call Petaluma. The highlight of my day was getting out of the shower and making a wet-head mohawk that I briefly considered keeping for the night. In all fairness to Luma, as fate would have it, I do sculpt an awesome mohawk.

In other news, I realized something about America and politics. Many people complain about the media’s obsession with the horse race and refusal to focus on more substantive matters. Like, say, where the candidates stand on the issues, or whether they are even qualified to address the issues. Bush is president for two terms because he might be more fun to have a beer with? As long as meaningless hypotheticals are going to determine the election, why not ask who you’d rather have drive you home from that beer, Bush or Kerry? Who would you trust more to be your DD? Who would you rather have do your taxes?

Anyway, I’m getting off track. The media focuses in on the horse race because they know people love that American competitiveness and the thrill of the chase. Sports analysis and political punditry are melding together into one giant talking head. It’s like the entire news world has pulled a Keith Olbermann.

But there is another, less superficial, reason people are more interested in the chase than the issues debate, or even what politicians do once they win. Candidates are made of idealism and change and everything nice. Elected officials are about practicality, compromising and reelection. Before they get into office they are everything we hope they’ll be, everything they say they are. Once they’re sworn in, the chariot they rode in on is a fucking pumpkin again. They’re human once more.

The only politicians who don’t disappoint are the ones who die. Fortunately, there is a simple solution to this whole dilemma. Don’t expect perfection and don’t settle for incompetence or corruption. There, I fixed it. I just saved democracy. Next time on FTP, how to fix capitalism and your father’s lawn mower.

Entry Filed under: Politics