Archive for February, 2007
The other night I had a dream where this fat girl I went to high school with was in love with me. I was interested in someone else, so as punishment the fat girl sat on me until I couldn’t breathe. I woke up wheezing and I couldn’t breathe through my nose. It struck me that even when a fat person is feeling bad about herself and imagining the worst things people say behind her back, my dream probably doesn’t make the list. My dream is worse than a fat person’s own cynical imagination. Just because you’re paranoid, it doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get you.
This may be my worst post ever, and not for lack of worthy candidates. Have a merry February.
February 25th, 2007
Should someone tell Bush sending more troops isn’t a good idea? The argument against Congress speaking its mind to the Prez is that even a non-binding resolution would strengthen the terrorists’ resolve and jeopardize our soldiers.
The only resolve that would be strengthened by a non-binding resolution is the President’s. He will stay the course because Congress is too afraid to make up its mind. Instead we get bold speeches on the Senate floor about why a do-nothing Congress is a do the right thing Congress.
After all the grandstanding and maneuvering, no resolution was even put to a vote. How can we expect every citizen to vote when their elected officials don’t? Public support and a Dem majority in the House and the Senate should be worth a whole lot more than a non-vote on a non-binding resolution. I’d hate to see what the Contract On America Congress would be proposing right now, illegal immigrants as human shields in the Middle East, perhaps.
February 21st, 2007
Ok, here is an overview of the road to the Whitehouse for 2008. For your viewing pleasure, I have broken it down into three key issues. I apologize for the length. You can email me for the Cliff’s Notes.
Key issue number one: The Republican Candidate.
Despite what you might read on some liberal blogs, the Republicans have three candidates with excellent public profiles. Rudy Giuliani, Mitt Romney and John McCain are all viewed as independent-minded, strong, charismatic leaders. Some say they are too liberal too to win the nomination. It is possible that between them they could split the vote of “reasonable” Republicans and a more right-wing candidate like Gingrich or Brownback could squeak past with the support of a united conservative base. But I doubt it will happen. More than likely, the Republicans will nominate their party’s strongest candidate since that B actor from California.
Key issue number two: The Democratic candidate. There are four people who could conceivably win the nomination.
Hillary will lose in the general, partly because much of America mistakenly thinks she’s quite liberal, but mostly because she is an emotional vacuum who stopped working for real change after her universal healthcare quest failed in 1994. And she’s the most hawkish candidate when it comes to Iraq. Many people think the anti-war vote will go to Edwards. Well, Eddie voted for the war and then criticized it when he was out of office and didn’t have to suffer the political repercussions of growing testicles. Next, please.
Edwards is basically a good guy, but perhaps a little too slick. And if you can’t bring yourself to say anything really critical of Dick Cheney during a one on one debate, you have no business calling yourself a Democrat. John Edwards vs. the Face of Evil and all Johnny has the stomach for is an “aww shucks” discussion featuring painfully tight smiles? As a side note, traditionally the role of the VP has been to strike with a slightly sharper blade, to say the things that should be said but might not sound quite presidential enough to be uttered by the top of the ticket. In other words, not a role best filled by a Joe Lieberman or John Edwards. For further reference, Dems should pull out archived footage of Al Gore kicking the shit out of Quayle in 92. Or Bentsen you’re no Kennedying him 4 years prior to that.
Obama is the best choice of those who have declared, although who knows if the country is ready to elect a black man. And fuck all those media articles saying that black folks don’t think Obama is black enough, while acknowledging that at least he’s not too black, like Jesse And Al. This isn’t Goldilocks searching for the perfect temperature of fucking porridge: Uncle Tom? Too cold. Malcolm X? Too hot. MLK? Just right! In fact, blacks, much like whites, asians and hispanics come in all sorts of shapes, sizes, personalities and creeds. Being educated and well-spoken does not alienate you from your race, but thanks for the condescending assumption. And let’s be honest, the mainstream media has its finger on the pulse of African American society about as much as George Bush has his finger on the pulse of the Iraq insurgency. All ranting aside, Obama will eventually have to take an unpopular position on something if he wants to prove he’s not just a smarter, more charismatic version of every other Democrat in the race.
Before Obama soaked up all the anti-Hillary momentum (which was bound to coalesce around someone), Al Gore seemed a likely late-entry savior of the Democratic Party. As it stands now, I believe the progressive wing of the party is too (mistakenly) enamored with Obama to make the effort necessary to convince Alberto to run. And I don’t know if well-publicized photos at Oscar after-parties in L.A. are the best way to launch a campaign for the hearts and minds of the salt of the earth in America.
Key issue 3: Some other day.
February 15th, 2007
Last year, Jerome Armstrong, founder of the blog MyDD, and Markos Moulitsas, of Daily Kos, wrote a book called Crashing the Gate. It’s a quick and easy read, at around 180 pages, double spaced. And it is the best and most succinct account of the problems facing the Democratic Party, with some great solutions offered as well. Don’t be scared if you aren’t a dailykos fan, this book is much different than their blogs. I bought this book (and by bought I mean asked someone else to buy it for me for Christmas) mostly out of a sense of obligation to these guys. To say it was somewhat of a pleasant surprise is to say American Idol is somewhat overrated.
February 10th, 2007
When I was really young I used to love baseball. I was like my own asshole little league coach. I would have my dad hit me grounder after grounder, fly ball after fly ball, until he had to go back to work or the sun came down. To this day, if I play catch for too long, my arm starts to hurt as it remembers all the tennis and whiffle balls I’ve made it throw.
Towards the end of grade school, I went to a baseball summer camp. That kind of toned down my sports enthusiasm for a few years. A lot of the kids were a little older, a little meaner, and most of them were much better than I was. Before that, my experience with organized sports consisted of a couple years of coach pitch and t-ball, where our third baseman sat down to pick flowers during practice. As a kid though, you don’t really have much perspective on that kind of thing. I was completely shocked to learn that there were tons of kids out there who were not just better, but a lot better than I was.
Sometimes growing up feels like one long series of those kind of realizations. In some ways, I was relieved I was never in a position to apply to places like Berkeley and Standford and MIT. I would hate to go to one of those schools and be the dumb guy in every class. My comparative goverments professor asked the class to give examples of capital goods. One guy said corn. When she said um, not quite, he said what about potatoes. I don’t want to be that guy.
I know I had a point to make here somewhere. Umm, remember to be all you can be. And always finish your capital goods… I mean, your vegetables.
February 10th, 2007